I used to get excited about long weekends for the wrong reasons.

​

In the depths of burnout, I relished the opportunity to work on a day when others were not,

to chip away at my endless to do list without being inundated with inbounds, and

to do so guilt-free (ish) since I could still spend a 2-day weekend with the fam.

​

At some point, I went from loving Thanksgiving for the family time & food

to loving it for the “extra” two days of uninterrupted work. Ouch.

​

There’s no doubt in my mind

that work was an addiction then.

I worked at the expense of myself, and

even worse, I worked at the expense of my kids.

​

I couldn’t stop

until I couldn’t not stop.

​

I hit rock bottom, hard.

​

Now I'm on a mission to help others

break the cycle of work addiction

and break free from burnout

without going off a cliff

the way I did.

A "praised addiction"

​

Widely praised and far more socially acceptable than other forms of addiction,

workaholism destroys relationships, lifestyle & physical / mental health all the same.

​

Work addiction has been referred to as a “system addiction”,

recognizing the reality that excessive, compulsive work

• is widely encouraged by the companies & organizations that benefit
• is considered socially acceptable, if not socially desirable
• is celebrated as a hallmark of “hustle culture”

​

This makes work addiction easier to sustain

and harder to recover from.

​

After all, when the system itself

benefits from our overwork,

it doesn’t want us to stop.

​

We are encouraged & incentivized to

keep overworking, at our own expense.

​

It’s on us to

break the cycle,

build the awareness,

make the adjustments,

self-regulate and calibrate

so we can get our lives back.

​

Let’s get started.

What actually is, and isn’t, work addiction?

There’s an important difference between

excessive activity & addictive activity

​

People who work a lot of hours — even an excess of hours — are not necessarily workaholics.

​

It comes down to engagement, satisfaction

and overall impact on quality of life.

​

If your work

feeds you energetically,

makes you feel good about yourself &

fulfills your sense of mission and purpose,

then long hours might be excessive, but not necessarily addictive.

​

If, however, your work

drains you energetically,

takes over your whole identity &

makes you feel incompetent or inadequate,

then overwork is not just excessive, it is self-destructive and potentially addictive.

​

Big difference.

​

Work addiction is typically classified as a Behavioral Addiction

(alongside gambling, gaming, sex and shopping addictions)

as distinct from Substance Addictions (drugs and alcohol).

​

But work, unlike gambling, gaming, sex & shopping,

• is widely praised in excess
• is required (for most of us) 8+ hours per day
• is rewarded at normal levels and sometimes more so at excessive levels

These factors distinguish work addiction from other behavioral addictions.

​

The closest analog to work addiction is exercise addiction.

• Both activities are recommended or required as a key feature of daily life
• Both have roots in positive motivations that are taken too far
• Both offer some benefits when done in excess
• Both are positively reinforced in our culture

Drivers of work addiction

Workaholism has common, identifiable features in all who struggle with it,

but the drivers — the individual Whys behind the addiction — vary considerably.

​

The four leading drivers are

​

Motivational driver:

Work addiction tied to internal pressure and compulsion.

​

WHY: You work because you feel like you “should” be working,

often because work is tied to self-validation and self-worth.

​

Cognitive driver:

Work addiction tied to challenges mentally disengaging from work.

​

WHY: You work because you can’t think about anything other than work.

​

Emotional driver:

Work addiction tied to negative emotions when not working.

​

WHY: You work because you experience anxiety, guilt

and other negative emotions when not working.

​

Behavioral driver:

Work addiction tied to habituated patterns

​

WHY: You work because that is the familiar pattern

you have structured your life around.

​

These drivers are not mutually exclusive and often they are interwoven

​

Going deeper into your personal

underlying Why for overwork can help

distinguish between situational excess & addiction.

Self-Assessment: You might be a workaholic if…

The following self-assessment is consistent with the Bergen Work Addiction Scale.

​

Considering the list below, ask yourself

how frequently each description is true:

Never, Rarely, Sometimes, Often, Always.

​

• You cancel plans on a regular basis to do more work
• You are accessible and responsive to work nearly 24/7
• You feel ‘off’, uneasy or anxious when you’re not working
• You deny it when people tell you that you work too much
• You sacrifice time with friends and family to keep working
• You work more than planned or expected on a regular basis
• You constantly think about work, even when you’re not working
• You refuse to delegate because “no one can do it as well as you”
• You regularly strategize how you can spend more time doing work
• You work to avoid thinking about troubles or challenges in other areas
• You keep working harder and harder despite fewer and smaller rewards
• Your approach to work is impacting your relationships and/or your health
• You work to mask other, non-praised addictions (like substance addictions)
• You tend to “push through” health issues and physical pain to keep working

​

Short-term spikes in these behaviors are not a concern

but, if you answered Often or Always to 4 or more,

it’s time to reevaluate your relationship with work

and confront the possibility of an addiction.

​

That’s scary, I get it.

​

When you become dependent on work to prove your worth,

you work identity feels like it’s your whole identity.

You don’t know who you are outside of it.

​

I’ve been there.

I had two little boys and

the makings of a beautiful life,

yet I was completely lost in my work.

​

Even when I acknowledged feeling like

a “shell of a human being”,

I didn’t know how to stop.

​

My default to work

overrode my self-interest

and derailed my judgement.

​

I didn't make the connection at the time

because I was being praised and awarded for my overwork

but my behavior was no different from that of a substance addict.

​

And like so many addicts,

I hit rock bottom before

I found my way back.

​

But you don’t have to.

Working through work addiction

Here’s how to take your first steps out of addiction and into recovery:

1. Identify the root cause of the addiction
2. Create defensible boundaries
3. Define when enough is enough
4. Bake in breaks
5. Invest in yourself

​

1. Identify the root cause of the addiction

Understanding your Why

provides a roadmap

for your recovery.

​

Are you

avoiding fear,

avoiding trauma,

avoiding judgment,

avoiding problems?

​

Seeking validation,

seeking approval,

seeking purpose,

seeking security,

seeking self?

​

Getting to the root cause of your addiction

is the first step in your recovery.

​

It’s also the hardest.

​

If you’re unclear about your Why or scared to surface it,

work with a coach to guide this exploration process or

with a therapist (especially if you have prior trauma).

​

2. Create defensible boundaries

I know how hard it is to put up and defend boundaries retroactively.

​

Once people are acclimated to a level of self-sacrifice and overwork,

it becomes baked into the expectation of how you show up

and who you are within the team or organization.

​

So start building a healthier boundary brick by brick

outside of working hours and away from your work place.

​

⚡ Turn off push notifications outside of working hours and

carve out small pockets of time when you will be

intentionally inaccessible or non-responsive.

​

⚡ Turn off work before you turn off for the night

​

⚡ Protect pre-work hours for personal use

​

⚡ Hold the line on weekend work blocks,

not letting them derail your other plans.

​

These incremental steps

will reestablish your agency and

redraw the line between your whole self and your work self.

​

3. Define when enough is enough

For many, perfectionism is a prominent feature of work addiction.

​

The desire to make a work product “perfect” leads to

investment well beyond what is expected or required.

​

Developing objective criteria for what is “good enough” can be liberating.

It’s a way to draw the line on work with less guilt and insecurity

by deciding in advance when to stop.

​

Your “good enough” can still be “excellent”,

the key is for it not to be open-ended.

​

🔹 If you work for yourself,

make sure the metrics reflect

a reasonable return on the investment of your time.

​

Know where your extra effort is making an impact and where it’s wasted.

​

🔹 If you report to someone,

I’d be willing to bet you are

currently going “above and beyond”

in ways that aren’t appreciated or necessary.

​

It’s important to know

what done looks like when

“done is better than perfect”.

​

Get clarity from your manager with the following questions

so you know when to draw the line:

• Can you provide an example of good enough & exceptional for this assignment?
• What is the specific output you’re looking for, and by what deadline?
• What metrics will be used to evaluate the quality of my output?
• How often should I update you on my progress?

​

Having a clear understanding of what is expected of you

can override your addictive impulse to keep working

on something that is already done.

​

4. Bake in breaks

Claim the white space on your work calendar to take intentional breaks.

​

Start with small shifts and

define breaks as a goal for yourself so

you can feel good about making them happen.

​

⚡ Instead of fitting in emails during a pause between calls,

take a walk, get some fresh air or phone a friend.

​

⚡ Instead of working through lunch, change locations.

Move to a different room or a different chair

and leave your device at your desk.

​

Mindful eating is a great way to get grounded

and give your brain a break from the grind.

​

⚡ Take an actual, real live break.

​

Vacations are vital

and, to be clear, working on vacation

(even if “it’s only emails before the kids wake up”) negates the benefit.

​

Taking a big chunk of time completely off

can be overly stressful, so start small.

​

Quarterly breaks of 2 or 3 days off

attached to a weekend, plus

one day off per month

is a great way to

microdose

time off.

​

Many work addicts are horrified at the idea of “doing nothing”.

That’s okay — you can do something, just don’t do work.

​

Use the time to accomplish things that

matter to you outside of work like

spring cleaning, personal admin

or a passion project.

​

That way you can still feel productive and

your work identity is out of the driver's seat.

​

5. Invest in yourself

As you carve out time away from work,

shift it towards something that

has a restorative effect.

​

When you descend into work addiction,

your non-work identities shrink

in the shadow of your

work identity.

​

A key step in recovery is

bringing those ignored parts back online.

​

Recommit to prior interests or explore new hobbies

to breathe life back into your neglected identities.

​

Even small allocations of time

can break the grip of work addiction and

build momentum towards a more dimensionalized life.

Parents, heads up:

While additional research needs to be done,

there are clear correlations between

study addiction & work addiction.

​

Study addiction is understood to be

a precursor to, or early expression, of work addiction.

• Both are tied to a focus on achieving specific goals
• Both are associated with social praise and positive reinforcement
• Both are driven & measured by the acquisition of skills and knowledge

​

So after you finish the self-assessment for yourself,

take a moment to consider your older kiddos and

how they are approaching their studies.

​

If you see early indicators of addictive tendencies,

it’s worth an intervention now to build their self-awareness,

shift their relationship with work and set healthier patterns in motion.

Breaking out of work addiction is possible,

even for the most over-achieving,

external validation-seeking,

work-obsessed among us.

​

Trust me, I know from experience.

And if I can do it, you can do it.

​

The key is to start small.

​

If you tell yourself small changes

“won’t make a difference”,

they won’t…

because you won’t make them.

​

The reality is every incremental step

away from a default pattern is

a step towards yourself.

​

In the substance addiction world, they say

that the first step toward recovery is

admitting you have a problem.

​

If this self-assessment

got you there, that’s a good thing.

​

That awareness alone puts you on the road to recovery.

​

Remember, society isn’t going to help you break this addiction —

“the system” benefits far too much from your complicity.

​

So it’s a good thing we have each other. 🙌

​

If you’re struggling with work addiction,

or unsure of what to do next,

reply to this email.

​

I’d be happy to connect, no strings attached.

​

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Quick programming note:

Starting next week, I’ll be shifting to a summer schedule for June-August.

Newsletters will drop every other week during that period.

For actionable strategies between the issues,

I’ll be posting on LinkedIn 3x per week.

​

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Have a great week and enjoy the long weekend!

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