Happy Father’s Day to all who are celebrating!

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I’m writing today from Asheville, NC while solo-roadtripping my boys & the pup

from Miami to their sleepaway camp near the Canadian border.

Their dad flew up to camp on Tuesday for training

as he’ll be joining the camp staff this summer.

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Definitely missing my co-pilot / co-parent

and they're missing their dad big time.

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But we're making the most of it

here in the mountains,

with my dad.

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My father is an embodiment of the American Dream,

the archetypal up-by-his-bootstraps,

nose to the grindstone,

self-made man.

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After his military service during the Vietnam War, and an ill-fated corporate stint,

(Texaco tried to make him wear a wig over his 'fro and he wasn't having it! 😆)

he started a knife sharpening company in the late 1970s

with a $5,000 loan from my maternal grandparents.

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Through hard work, perseverance and an insane work ethic

he learned the ins and outs of commercial kitchens,

taught himself how to draw blueprints and

eventually designed & equipped many of

the most beautiful and efficient

restaurant kitchens

in the world.

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By all cultural measures of success, he crushed it.

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He worked his ass off --

long hours, late nights, 6 day weeks.

The definition of self-sacrifice in pursuit of success.

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Between elementary school and middle school,

we went from PB&Js-on-roadtrip vacations

to skiing in the Rockies & a trip to Europe,

from day camp to sleep away camp.

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He built generational wealth,

invested early in two of my businesses,

paid for four years of college for me without loans ( 🙏)

backed a handful of young phenom chefs in their first solo ventures,

and eventually bought this second home in the mountains, where we are today.

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It’s an unequivocal success story by all financial measures

(which is, after all, how success is defined in our culture).

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But if you ask him whether he is fulfilled by it all, the answer becomes less clear.

In some ways, the question itself doesn’t even quite make sense.

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His generation, and the one before, were conditioned

to pursue a version of success that doesn’t

contemplate personal fulfillment.

It's not part of the equation.

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And that’s the version of success they raised us to believe in too.

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An American Dream that equates

success with wealth, status and power.

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As high-achievers and provers,

we’ve been unrelenting in our pursuit of it,

chasing accolades, promotions and higher salaries.

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The problem is those external measures don’t actually fulfill us.

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Only after we get what we’ve worked so hard for

does it become clear that the underlying

math doesn’t actually make sense.

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We sacrifice SO MUCH,

pour so much of ourselves in,

yet what we get out doesn’t fill us up.

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We’re left empty and jaded.

We achieve “success”

and then wonder

“is this it”?

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It’s the ultimate bait & switch.

We’ve been played.

It’s time to shift the narrative and end the chase.

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If you keep pursuing a version of success

that is defined in external terms,

you’ll never be fulfilled by it.

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The only way for

success to fulfill you is to

define it in terms of internal value:

pride, joy, connection, belonging, growth,

and whatever it is in life that truly fills you up inside.

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It’s time to pursue YOUR version of success

and it starts with defining success

on YOUR terms.

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The problem is, like so many of us, you may have

lost sight of what you want for yourself.

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You may not actually know what

satisfaction and fulfillment

even look like anymore.

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So many of us have been so busy pursuing external success

and putting our time and energy into what makes everyone else happy,

that we’ve stop asking ourselves what we want and what would make us happy.

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But if you want to have any hope of

feeling satisfied, fulfilled and truly success-full,

you need to start by knowing what you actually want

and then you need to define a new plan for how to pursue it.

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(Spoiler alert: it’s not getting stuck in survival mode or working yourself into burnout.)

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We're taking a different approach.

Not sure where to start?

Not to worry.

​

I’ve developed a step-by-step guide to

define and pursue a version of success

that won't leave you empty.

​

​This guide will help you:

• define what fulfillment means to you and
• develop an action plan to pursue your version of success.

First is a Satisfaction Self-Reflection.

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You’ll reflect on what satisfaction means to you in each of 13 core areas,

with guidance around what it looks like and why it matters.

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CORE AREAS:

Heart, Mind & Body

• Health
• Agency
• Spirituality
• Recreation
• Emotional Well-Being

Adulting

• Home
• Career
• Finances
• Personal Development

Connection

• Family
• Community
• Social Connections
• Partnership/Romance

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Next is the Satisfaction Self-Assessment.

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You’ll rate your Actual and Aspirational Satisfaction levels in each area.

The guide includes descriptors for Level One (“Sacrifice”) and

Level Ten (“Success”) to guide your self-assessment.

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The goal is to define and move towards

your aspirational levels of satisfaction

because that IS your version of success.

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Then you’ll create your Satisfaction Map.

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You’ll plot your Actual and Aspirational Satisfaction levels

on a spiderweb-style chart that visually depicts

the gaps between Actual and Aspirational.

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The closer your Actual Satisfaction levels are to your Aspirational ones,

the closer you are to achieving success on your terms.

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The map helps you identify the Areas where

you might be sacrificing too much and

where you might be over-investing

so you can decide where to focus

your attention and energy to

start closing the gaps.

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Last is your Success Plan

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You’ll define your next right actions

to move towards Aspirational Satisfaction and

develop an actionable implementation plan to close the gap.

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That is a plan to pursue success on your terms.

The process is designed to be repeated quarterly,

allowing you to choose what to focus on and

adjust to the realities of each time period.

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No more defaulting to survival mode.

No more pouring your energy into a sieve.

No more sacrificing self in pursuit of “success” that leaves you empty.

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You’re in control,

making informed choices,

deciding on intentional tradeoffs

pursuing the goals that will actually fulfill you.

We’re two weeks out from the beginning of Q3 and

the second half of the year that includes so many big lifts:

• the holidays
• budget season
• end of year goals
• a new school year
• new extracurriculars
• New Year’s resolutions
• perhaps a new job or other new beginning.

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What better time

to pause and

get clear on:

• what you want
• why it fulfills you
• what success looks like &
• how you’re going to achieve it

​

You’re a high-performer so

you’re gonna be achieving,

but what are you striving for…

someone else’s version of success, or your own?

​

You know my vote.

This is a new DIY guide based on my one-on-one work with clients

Download it here.

​

As Time by Design subscribers, you're seeing it first

and I’d love to hear about your experience with it!

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What would be helpful, what could I add, what seems confusing, what feels amazing?

​

If you’re open to it, send me your Satisfaction Map and I’ll send you mine!

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And if you’d be so kind as to send me a written testimonial about your experience,

I’ll gift you a planning session to help you get started on

implementing your success plan.

​

Email me here with your testimonial and I’ll send you a link to schedule!

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But even if you do none of those things, do this work.
​

There is nothing more important or empowering

than knowing what fulfills you and

taking action to achieve it.

​

You deserve that.

​

I'll be rooting for you

and, as always,

here to help!

— Nicole

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