There are so many incredible,

literally life-changing things that happen

when we break out of our default patterns

and begin to show up for ourselves in a new way.

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And what’s most amazing about that is

these massive, transformative shifts

begin with small decisions,

a series of tiny changes.

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Personal growth

has its own momentum

because the impact is

in the experience.

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When you show up for yourself

you prove to yourself how good

it feels to show up for yourself.

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And you want more of that,

so you keep doing it and

as you keep doing it

the positive impact

compounds.

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It's a flywheel effect that

starts with simple changes

and leads to a new way of life.

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In this issue, 3 simple ways to win your day.

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Small changes to how you approach every day life that

can make a huge difference in how you show up

and what you can achieve.

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4 QUARTERS METHOD

Have you ever had an ambitious plan for the day,

and then something unexpected happens

early in the day and suddenly

“the whole day is shot”?

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You write off the entire rest of the day

and resolve to try again tomorrow.

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This is a common challenge in dieting

when one moment of indulgence

leads to an unplanned

“cheat day”.

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These are examples of “all or nothing” thinking —

the mindset that once the perfect plan or vision

is compromised, there is no chance of recovery.

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With "all or nothing" thinking,

the only option is to wait for

a fresh start the next day.

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The 4 Quarters Method helps with this

by dividing each day into increments

so that if something goes “wrong”,

you can recover in the next period

instead of losing the whole day.

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What to do:

The 4 Quarters method suggests

segmenting the day into 4 equal parts,

and embracing each as its own opportunity —

4 separate buckets for focus & prioritization.

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Divide the day into quarters, roughly:

• Morning (6a-10a)
• Midday (10a-2p)
• Afternoon (2p-6p)
• Evening (6-10p)

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Then assign an intention and a Top Goal

(1-3 goals is ideal) to each quarter.

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This method balances structure and flexibility.

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The defined compartments provide

an organizing framework and

rhythm for your day.

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At the same time

you have the flexibility to decide

what you want to do with each block.

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Some of the blocks might repeatable,

if, for example, you have the same

morning routine every day.

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Some may differ each day,

like the composition of your afternoon.

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The key is to set your focus in advance for each period.

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If these time frames don’t quite align with

the organic structure of your day,

shift them.

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If compartmentalizing into 5 fifths

works better for you

than 4 quarters,

go with it.

• Early morning (6a-9a)
• Mid-morning (9a-12n)
• Afternoon (12n-3p)
• Late afternoon (3p-6p)
• Evening (6p-9p)

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This is how suggestions

become systems.

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Remember, the frameworks don’t work

if they don’t work for you, right?

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If you’re forcing it, you’re going to fail with it.

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So take an intentional and experimental approach

to make the adjustments that will

make a new system stick.

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Why it’s a win:

This method prevents a single slip up

from derailing an entire day.

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It’s a way to fail small and minimize the collateral damage.

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When something goes haywire (ex. life),

instead of thinking of the entire day

as a total bust and getting

sucked into a tailspin,

you can minimize the damage by focusing on the next period.

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“I’ll get back on track tomorrow” becomes

“I’ll reset for the next quarter”.

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That’s a major mindset shift that

can massively improve your morale

(and your productivity).

COGNITIVE DEFUSION

When negative thoughts swoop in,

it can be very easy to get

caught up in them.

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Before you know it,

those thoughts & feelings

have become your reality,

deflating your confidence

and derailing your productivity.

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A technique called Cognitive Defusion,

neutralizes the power & influence of the

negative thoughts by creating mental distance

between those negative thoughts and your reality.

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Think of it as a self-imposed reality check.

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What to do:

1. Identify the thought.

All growth and positive change begins with awareness.

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Identify the thought that is causing stress or anxiety.

Why am I freaking out right now?

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“I can’t handle this much responsibility.”

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2. Label the thought.

Recognize the thought for what it is.

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It’s not a fact.

It’s a thought.

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“I am having the thought that I can’t handle this much responsibility.”

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3. Categorize the thought.

You’ve separated the thought from reality by labeling it.

Further distance yourself by categorizing it:

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“This is an anxiety thought.” or “I’m feeling anxiety.”

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4. Acknowledge the thought.

Recognize the thought as a helpful message.

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Your subconscious mind is cluing you in to

the fact that something is happening

that feels hard or stressful.

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Acknowledging and appreciating the thought

as a message or clue further separates

the negative feeling “I can’t do this”

from the reality that “this is hard”.

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You’re acknowledging the fact

without giving it any power.

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5. Visualize the thought.

Adopt a familiar visual for your negative thoughts.

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I think about them as clouds passing by in the sky,

for you it might be a leaf on a stream

or a purple car driving past.

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Picture the thought passing you by

without holding onto it.

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6. Refocus on the present.

Bring yourself back to the present moment

and ground yourself back in reality.

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“This is hard AND I can do this.”

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Use a grounding exercise to

disconnect from the anxiety

and reconnect with your self.

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Focusing on your breath is a

simple and effective way

to get grounded.

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Lately I’ve been into a 4-4-4

focus breathing technique:

Inhale for 4 seconds

Hold for 4 seconds

Exhale for 4 seconds.

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The 5, 4, 3, 2, 1 technique​

is also a popular option.

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Find what works for you.

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Why it’s a win:

Practicing cognitive defusion

separates your negative thoughts

from your experience of reality.

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Instead of negative thoughts altering your perspective,

you’re able to honor and hold space for them

while staying rooted in reality.

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It’s a way to let both things be true:

your concern and your competency.

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Cognitive defusion helps you become

an objective observer of your thoughts

so you can reestablish control and

not feel like you’re at their mercy.

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This is particularly helpful for those who

struggle with anxiety because

reasserting that control stops

negative thought spirals &

helps you get grounded.

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If the steps above aren’t quite enough to put a

particularly anxiety-inducing thought in its place,

there is one more step you can add:

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Disarm the thought.

Repeat the thought using a silly voice or persona.

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“I’m overwhelmed! I’m overwhelmed!”

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Making a mockery of your negative thought

can neutralize it and jolt you out of your funk

so you can step back into your reality with

a fresh (and positive) perspective.

ADD BY SUBTRACTING

The days when you look at your calendar and see

a wall of appointments and commitments

can be overwhelming…

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not to mention kind of depressing,

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especially when those commitments are more like obligations

that you’d prefer to avoid altogether or

didn’t choose in the first place.

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That disconnection of your time from

your needs, priorities and values

makes personal fulfillment &

happiness impossible.

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When those days become the norm, it’s easy to lose yourself

in the mechanics of “just getting through”.

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Then, you’re not really living,

you’re surviving.

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And that’s not what we’re going for here.

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What to do:

Time boundaries are important to

draw, communicate & hold the line between

yourself and the myriad demands on your time.

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In our hustle-focused culture,

with unreasonable expectations,

endless opportunities and rampant FOMO,

time boundaries are a matter of self-preservation.

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Yes, AND… they’re not always easy to pull off.

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It feels good to say yes.

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True for all of us,

truer for people-pleasers.

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But I’ll tell you what…

it feels really good

to say no too.

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The “add by subtracting” approach highlights

the positive aspects of enforcing time boundaries.

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By saying no,

you’re not taking something away,

you’re creating space for something new.

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You’re reallocating time from something

that doesn’t feed you energetically

to something that does.

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1. Look at your calendar.

A week is a helpful time frame to start with

because it is long enough that you’ll

likely be able to identify obvious

candidates for ‘no’.

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If that feels uncomfortable,

zoom out to a month (or longer)

to find an obligation that feels like a definite No.

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This gets easier with practice.

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Soon you’ll be able to say no to something every day.

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2. Identify the Nos

The Nos are not your non-negotiables,

they’re the default yeses,

the “I guess I’ll go”s.

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The recurring meetings you sit in on and wonder why you’re there.

The “commitments” that someone else dropped on you.

The hangouts that you’re not genuinely excited about.

The things you do because you feel guilty.

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3. Say No.

Gulp, this is the hard part.

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Less hard when you remember

that your No to them is

a Yes to yourself.

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Here are some ways to make it easier to get started:

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Practice.

Start by saying no to strangers

or in low stakes situations

until you get used to it.

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Go with your gut.

Start with the things you’re most excited to say No to.

The things that trigger angst and dread should be the first to go.

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Keep it simple.

Remember, no is a complete sentence.

“No” or “I can’t” is all you really need.

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Be respectful.

If you need to say more than a simple No,

show kindness without opening the door to negotiation.

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“I need to focus on…”

“I’ve taken on as much as I can.”

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Be honest.

Honesty mitigates guilt.

By giving the real reason (kindly!),

you’ll set yourself up to feel good about the No.

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Be appreciative.

Acknowledging the request with gratitude.

keeps the door open for a future invite

and helps you hold your ground.

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“Thank you for thinking of me, but I can’t make it.”

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Repeat as needed.

Don’t let push back pull you in.

Hold the line by repeating your simple decline

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Once you start making excuses you start ceding ground.

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Why it’s a win:

Without time boundaries,

your priorities and values get lost

in the default to doing, doing, doing.

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When you default to saying yes to allllll the things or

show up for anything that lands on your calendar,

you please & placate others at the expense of

your own free time and me time.

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That sends a message to yourself

that you don’t matter much,

which can lead to

depression

self-denial

& burnout.

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Saying no is a way to show up for yourself,

recommit to your values and priorities,

remind yourself of your own agency,

and live intentionally.

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And saying no is a way to say yes.

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That conscious No is an intentional Yes

that creates time and space for

joy, learning, self, stillness,

your interests,

your passions,

your curiosity,

YOU.

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The best win of all.

One more thing!

Last issue focused on ways to

stop self-sabotage before it stops you.

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Since then, I’ve created a simple worksheet that summarizes

the 5 Steps to Break Up with Your Limiting Beliefs

with the prompts included for easy reference.

​You can download it here.

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I love to hear from you, so as you experiment with these strategies,

please drop me a line and let me know how it’s going!

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You can reply to this email — I will definitely respond.

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You can also forward this email to a friend who would benefit

from simple, actionable strategies like these

to step out of survival mode and

start living intentionally.

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Have a wonderful week!

— Nicole

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